Self Care Part 2/3 (Distancing)

Quarantine has understandably hit a lot of us really hard. However, social distancing was a lesson I needed to learn. Not just learning to physically separate myself from others and learn how to operate(I'm still struggling...as my blog so clearly implies), but also learning how to appropriately separate myself emotionally. 

The stressful situation has brought out a different side of people. Whether it's the lazier one, the one that's snappier, or the one that's constantly busy--it's different. And it's really helped in showing me who is worth it. Yes, I have lost some friends. And yes, I did cry over them. And it feels like every day I have to come to terms with who I'm missing and losing...and this quarantine has forced me to face those feelings head-on. The pain of losing people isn't swallowed down by daily life buzz anymore. I can't hide under the prospect of meeting new people. I'm stuck with what I've got and cabin fever is real. Even digitally--I can see my group chat friends becoming sick of each other.

I've become closer to certain people who I would've never even dreamed of confiding in. People who I met briefly and brushed aside before quarantine just so happen to be the ones stepping up now in my life. Though, I don't know if it's intentional. I don't know if they're just trying extra hard or if it's because I'm paying more attention to them. It's blunt, I know. But in late February and early March, I started detaching myself from everyone/constantly meeting new people. That mix meant that new "friends" never really got my attention. Hell, I once considered cutting all my old friends off. Point is, early quarantine gave my mind time to breathe and revitalize. The heaviness of the situation hadn't set yet so I used it as a mental clean up. Instead of forming new bridges, I looked back at all the old ones. I talked to people who hurt me, listened if they talked--cried if they refused--and started to see ways that I had hurt them. In the past few months, I've made up with so many people, lost so many, and made so many epiphanies...I feel like a different person. At first, I had been avoiding certain conversations because of the emotional baggage. Then when I tried to deal with it on my own I was too distant to realize what I had done wrong. 

Even now, I could end up being totally wrong about everything and wind up making a follow-up post in December. And honestly? That's perfectly okay.