Tenth Lovely

I put the car in park and looked over. Gora sat in the passenger's seat, an irritated look on his face and his arms crossed. Sheepishly, I smiled at him, but received nothing in return. A little hand gripped the side of my seat and I turned to see Couro's big brown eyes looking up at me.

"Where are we?" She took her gaze off of me and looked at the building before us. Large and framed with glass walls, it was a box-like building reaching a couple stories high.

"The aquarium," I replied cheerfully. "Man, I can't believe we've never been here before."

Too quickly, Gora coughed. "Actually, Mama used to take me here all the time. Couro here even joined us a few times, though I doubt she was old enough to remember." He turned to her, asking if she recalled with a mere look. Couro took a moment to shuffle her memory before shaking her head. Gora fell back into the seat and shrugged. "Pity."

Nervous, I gripped the steering wheel. I truly had no clue this place had any significance to either of them. Kutu used to mention it occasionally and we visited maybe three times in total. But in my mind, that was all. Obviously, I was mistaken. 

Only reason I brought them here was to attempt to strike an important conversation. After seeing the flag in Gora's room, it hit me that I never really talked to him about that kind of stuff. I wasn't sure exactly what I planned on saying, but I just wanted him to trust me a bit more. So I went online and looked up ways to start dialogues like this. A suggestion was to head over to a zoo and show how different animals are, yet that they're all important and loved. 

We didn't exactly have a nearby zoo, so I drove them over to the aquarium. A decision I was already regretting. Still, I took a deep breath, unlocked the car doors, and walked out. Couro reluctantly followed suit, but Gora remained stubborn in his seat. 

I knocked on the glass and he opened the door a crack. "I'm not going in," he stated. "I don't know what kind of bullshit you're up to this time, but I want no part." Just like that, he pulled the door shut. Refusing to look at me, he continued his pouting charade until I found myself at the end of my rope. 

"Gora."

From inside, he yelled, "I don't wanna do this."

"I don't wanna do this!" Slapping my hand off his arm, Gora huffed, "For the thousandth time, just leave me alone!" With a bit of bribery, threats, and pure yelling, I managed to mandle the restless teenager out of my car and dragged him all the way into the aquarium. Sure, he cursed me the whole way through, but I was honestly impressed with myself for getting this far. At some point and just followed me, but alas, dreams don't come true so easily. Pure rage boiled in Gora's eyes, "Why the hell are you doing this?"

I gripped Couro's fragile hand and answered as calmly as I could, "I need to talk to you two about something."

A small voice intervened, "So why not just tell us?" Couro looked up at me, waiting for my response.

Almost jumped, Gora screeched, "This!" A nearby security guard turned her head just slightly.

Nervously, I gulped and attempted to hold my composure together. "I want you to see something first." Luckily, all I got was an eye roll and Gora actually followed me. I took them to the biggest room in the building. It was fairly popular for having the most variety of fish and other sea creatures in the whole aquarium. A huge box like room with dozens of sea life swimming in the glass walls framing it. Above it, was a sign that said "Our Mini Oceania." Couro looked more than excited to enter and was even bouncing on her feet. 

"In here." Just as I thought I'd finally done it, Gora paused. I'd followed Couro's eagerness inside and didn't notice my son at first. When I turned, I didn't see him beside me, but rather at the door. Right outside the door frame to the room, he froze and looked up at the sign. Releasing Couro's tiny hand, I walked up to him. "Gora."

"...No." For the first time in a long while, he looked at me dead in the eye. Slowly, he backed out. "I absolutely fucking refuse."

There was no way I was about to let all my effort go to waste. I came too far for it all to end up meaning nothing. I grabbed his elbow, dragging him in. "Gora, I didn't ask." All I want is to be a good father for him. But I can't do it alone. If only he could just--

He pushed me. "Neither did I." Stumbling back, a saw a bit of his exterior wear off. He looked apologetic for a moment. 

"Hey, hey, break it up." Security came up to us, a black baton rolling around in his palm. He chewed a piece of gum and mostly eyed me as I stood back up. "Unless you want to be thrown out." Pausing, I looked at Gora. I waited to see what he would do, if he could cooperate just this one time.

"I'll meet you by the car." He turned on his heels and didn't look back.

Loved

Here we go, another one came.

I've been feeling lonely,

lately.

I'm not used to all of this anymore.

I used to be loved like this.

But it stopped because I left.

I didn't mean to leave--

but I did--

and I haven't been loved since.

Not like this.

It takes me a minute, but I get used to it.

I finally dive in, and blissfully float

in this new wave of affection.

It's so much, so overwhelming.

I love it--

I am loved.

Time goes on,

it starts to dry up, confusing me.

I start begging more, so desperate.

It's the last thing I want,

but how this is gonna end up.

It's pulling away.

He's pulling away.

I'm too much for him, too needy.

I'm scrambling, it's crumbling.

I need to breathe, close my eyes, think.

Focus--

pause--

wait.

I'll try it.

I watch myself, regulate my movements.

It feels like I'm pulling away now.

It hurts, I miss more than all of it

I now miss him, so much more.

But,

he hugs me.

It's different.

I close my eyes and soak in this feeling--

I haven't felt it since I first met him--

it's so much, so overwhelming.

I love it--

I love him--

I am loved.

Clinginess

I am a hugger. Period. I love receiving and giving physical affection and it is indeed my number one way of showing my love or care for a person.

My biggest issue, however, is the lack of people who feel the same. Or rather to a similar extent. Throughout the years, I've learned to watch for cues, test, a pay attention. Then make rough guesses on how much affection to give each person. Some people hate physical touch, some welcome it when the time is right. Personally, this works for friendships.
Romantic relationships are a whole different ballgame.
I like to think that as a teenager, I'm still in the process of figuring out what a relationship even is. Honestly, if I were asked my definition would be pretty rocky and all over the place. I really only know enough to know what I currently want in a person. The last times someone asked me this, my answer was short. "Affection and attention."
As hilarious as it seemed, I really wasn't kidding. For whatever reason, I am so easily touch starved. There are times where I need to remind myself that going a week without a warm hug isn't the end of the world. People get busy, tired, and simply can't constantly cradle me. Something I am coming to terms with. In the fantasy part of my head, the honeymoon phase lasts forever. All the extra gestures done in the beginning simply to impress, are easily missed.
It's difficult to push back against the almost natural progression. I could cling on, refuse to accept the change. But clinginess can get ugly really quickly. The last thing I ever want is my incessant need for affection to drive someone away. But it's happened before, and if I'm not careful how I treat people from here on out, it'll likely happen again. Sometimes, the whole debacle just seems like the dumbest thing in the world. But it's how our minds are wired. After a few weeks of obsessing over a single person and their every move, our brain slows down. You become sure of whether or not they think of you and care for you. That certainty takes away the need to always impress them. You simply want them to be happy.
Slowly, I've learned to accept that. I've found my own definition of love, and a part of it is comfort. To be comfortable with your partner. Emotionally, physically, casually. When you share all your thoughts and feelings not because you need someone to vent to, but because you can. You've found a person ready to listen to all your thoughts and feelings constantly, share their own, and sync up as much as possible. You're a team.
Nevertheless, maybe a part of falling in love, is to get through the honeymoon phase. When that time ends for a couple, it tends to be rocky waters for a while. To be in love is to have feelings greater than fancy gestures and spending every waking minute with each other. Now, you aren't your partner's main priority constantly. And they aren't yours. You're your own human beings building up your own lives. You'll fall back on each other and naturally want to make time out to do nothing but talk and catch up.
With time, I'm learning to apply this. I still am. I'm working towards being less needy, and more appreciative of a relationship's intricacies. Especially, I'm learning to stop looking at others and expecting the same in my life. My partner and I are our own people. We'll love each other our way.

Juicy

Colorful gummy bears squeezing each other, 

but they're only a pouch print, serving as a cover.

Picture Prompt: Turtle

Swimming through the deep blue sea,

This one represents them all, from a place where I can see

Possession

Possession.
/pəˈzeSHən/

A possession.
An item of property; something belonging to one.

The act of possession.
The state of having, owning, or controlling something.

Being in possession.
The state of being completely under the influence of an idea or emotion.

All three carry a similar theme. There's a sort of power imbalance. While we mostly refer to inanimate objects when using the word "possession," the idea still applies. You have more leverage over a table, correct? You can hit it, flip it, even tear it to pieces--yet it will remain silent. The table is yours. Maybe you bought it at some local store, you may sell it for a decent enough price. Even if the table is "treasured," how many people do you see treating their tables with love and respect? They may name it, clean it, keep it from crumbling under the pressure of time, all at the expense of being call obsessive.
Now, what if the table controlled you? Your life now revolved around keeping this one table satiated and in pristine condition. Constantly, you missed out on your life because specks of dust are persistent and continue to fall on your precious table. Not only did you spend a good chunk of your time cleaning this table, you obeyed it. Ask it a question; one creak is "yes," two is "no." Nothing you did was without some sort of approval from this table. You'd drive yourself to madness. Your life is now falling apart and you now wonder how the table ever lived in such conditions. So why not be on an equal plane?
You and the table are now equal partners. Weird, yes, but stick with me here. Imagine you and the table being on an equal plane. You respected it and it respected you. The two of you discussed major decisions together and everything you did was a 50/50 split. Does it work? No. Why not? It's a table. Naturally, a human is going to hold possession over a table. Any other dynamic simply doesn't work.
Why then can certain things hold possession over others? And this question is more than just living versus nonliving. Humans can take possession over animals. Creatures, sometimes bigger than ourselves, with their own lives, families, and habits. Somehow, we have the power to scoop them up, lock them up, and claim them as our own. Even if we "treat them well" or they "like us," it doesn't change the fact that we have made them ours.
In fact, humans often take possession of other humans. Not to the same extent as animals, but honestly, how many times have you heard someone say "he's mine" or "she's not mine?" Parent to child, is that relationship not traced with ownership? A being left with no choice to be completely dependent on you that you have full responsibility for? This could be applied for any sort of guardian and the human they're looking out for. How about a relationship? Sure, it's a two-way street, but most people tend to treat it more as "we own each other."
All this now begs the question; is being someone else's possession particularly bad? Personally, I'd say no. All life on earth has thrived with collaboration and by looking out for one another. You are most protected when someone sees you as a thing to be protected. If they're willing to take ownership of you and shield you from those who only mean to harm you, then you can sit in their shadow safely. An issue only arrives when they refuse to allow you to leave their arms. Once you build a relationship outside of this possessive layer, you can be sure that you're still free to leave when you wish. You can even establish a sort of "I own you, you own me." As long as it remains within certain boundaries, I, personally, see nothing wrong with this.
Sure, own isn't the exact word use to describe it, but this is just my take on it.