My biggest issue, however, is the lack of people who feel the same. Or rather to a similar extent. Throughout the years, I've learned to watch for cues, test, a pay attention. Then make rough guesses on how much affection to give each person. Some people hate physical touch, some welcome it when the time is right. Personally, this works for friendships.
Romantic relationships are a whole different ballgame.
I like to think that as a teenager, I'm still in the process of figuring out what a relationship even is. Honestly, if I were asked my definition would be pretty rocky and all over the place. I really only know enough to know what I currently want in a person. The last times someone asked me this, my answer was short. "Affection and attention."
As hilarious as it seemed, I really wasn't kidding. For whatever reason, I am so easily touch starved. There are times where I need to remind myself that going a week without a warm hug isn't the end of the world. People get busy, tired, and simply can't constantly cradle me. Something I am coming to terms with. In the fantasy part of my head, the honeymoon phase lasts forever. All the extra gestures done in the beginning simply to impress, are easily missed.
It's difficult to push back against the almost natural progression. I could cling on, refuse to accept the change. But clinginess can get ugly really quickly. The last thing I ever want is my incessant need for affection to drive someone away. But it's happened before, and if I'm not careful how I treat people from here on out, it'll likely happen again. Sometimes, the whole debacle just seems like the dumbest thing in the world. But it's how our minds are wired. After a few weeks of obsessing over a single person and their every move, our brain slows down. You become sure of whether or not they think of you and care for you. That certainty takes away the need to always impress them. You simply want them to be happy.
Slowly, I've learned to accept that. I've found my own definition of love, and a part of it is comfort. To be comfortable with your partner. Emotionally, physically, casually. When you share all your thoughts and feelings not because you need someone to vent to, but because you can. You've found a person ready to listen to all your thoughts and feelings constantly, share their own, and sync up as much as possible. You're a team.
Nevertheless, maybe a part of falling in love, is to get through the honeymoon phase. When that time ends for a couple, it tends to be rocky waters for a while. To be in love is to have feelings greater than fancy gestures and spending every waking minute with each other. Now, you aren't your partner's main priority constantly. And they aren't yours. You're your own human beings building up your own lives. You'll fall back on each other and naturally want to make time out to do nothing but talk and catch up.
With time, I'm learning to apply this. I still am. I'm working towards being less needy, and more appreciative of a relationship's intricacies. Especially, I'm learning to stop looking at others and expecting the same in my life. My partner and I are our own people. We'll love each other our way.
Romantic relationships are a whole different ballgame.
I like to think that as a teenager, I'm still in the process of figuring out what a relationship even is. Honestly, if I were asked my definition would be pretty rocky and all over the place. I really only know enough to know what I currently want in a person. The last times someone asked me this, my answer was short. "Affection and attention."
As hilarious as it seemed, I really wasn't kidding. For whatever reason, I am so easily touch starved. There are times where I need to remind myself that going a week without a warm hug isn't the end of the world. People get busy, tired, and simply can't constantly cradle me. Something I am coming to terms with. In the fantasy part of my head, the honeymoon phase lasts forever. All the extra gestures done in the beginning simply to impress, are easily missed.
It's difficult to push back against the almost natural progression. I could cling on, refuse to accept the change. But clinginess can get ugly really quickly. The last thing I ever want is my incessant need for affection to drive someone away. But it's happened before, and if I'm not careful how I treat people from here on out, it'll likely happen again. Sometimes, the whole debacle just seems like the dumbest thing in the world. But it's how our minds are wired. After a few weeks of obsessing over a single person and their every move, our brain slows down. You become sure of whether or not they think of you and care for you. That certainty takes away the need to always impress them. You simply want them to be happy.
Slowly, I've learned to accept that. I've found my own definition of love, and a part of it is comfort. To be comfortable with your partner. Emotionally, physically, casually. When you share all your thoughts and feelings not because you need someone to vent to, but because you can. You've found a person ready to listen to all your thoughts and feelings constantly, share their own, and sync up as much as possible. You're a team.
Nevertheless, maybe a part of falling in love, is to get through the honeymoon phase. When that time ends for a couple, it tends to be rocky waters for a while. To be in love is to have feelings greater than fancy gestures and spending every waking minute with each other. Now, you aren't your partner's main priority constantly. And they aren't yours. You're your own human beings building up your own lives. You'll fall back on each other and naturally want to make time out to do nothing but talk and catch up.
With time, I'm learning to apply this. I still am. I'm working towards being less needy, and more appreciative of a relationship's intricacies. Especially, I'm learning to stop looking at others and expecting the same in my life. My partner and I are our own people. We'll love each other our way.
No comments:
Post a Comment