Entertain

Dang.
It feels like it's been forever since I've done one of these. Mostly my fault, yes, but still--crazy. The past three weeks have been a wild ride for me, and what a perfect topic to use to show what I've realized.
Entertain.
Originally, I decided to use this word to refer to indulging in entertainment. But, I think I can safely tuck that away for another day and use "Entertain" differently. Instead of being the viewer of entertainment, I am the entertainment. No, I don't mean that I've written a book or anything (which, I actually have and you should so check it out: ). I mean that I tend to try to entertain people to keep them interested in me.
I have a tendency to dramatize my qualities to try and make people feel more comfortable around me. With those who are more sarcastic, I'll be more snide and blunt. With those who are more sensitive, I'll be kinder. With those are more adventurous, I'm on a constant adrenalin rush. I change which parts of my personality stand out, depending on who I'm talking to. I'll see their personality--at least the surface of it--and entertain them as much as I can. Make them laugh, excite them, interest them. Not by being different, but by relaying to them certain parts of themselves but exaggerated. Sometimes, I'll let them build up an image of me then mold myself to it. If they see me as intelligent, I'll take every opportunity to prove it. If they see me as diligent, I'll constantly do homework or read around them.
It's...a nightmare. We had a conversation about this at my youth group. Lots of people do some version of this, with or without realizing it. The biggest difference that stood out to me was how they refused to let someone categorize them. Thinking about the three people I know decently well, I act so differently with each. Three very different personas based on entertaining trying to keep them close. Imagine if I tried to be serious with one person, it would quickly turn into a power struggle while she tries to maintain her image of me. The second would be stunned if I suggested something didn't have a deep meaning or a more personal correlation, that it was just there. The third would be disgusted if I cursed too much or even made a slightly suggestive joke. So, I've always watched for the boxes people put out for me, then climbed right in.
So recently, I've been thinking about myself. Who am I, what am I like, and how do I add another layer to my personality. Due to my habit of only pulling at certain traits, many people see me as a one-trick pony. I stick to one or two traits around them and that's it. Somehow, I need to learn how to pull my personality together. It's only those closest who have seen more than one side, mostly because they're always there--I can't be bubbly forever.