Happy New Year from my family to yours, we thoroughly enjoyed our safe and quarantined holiday celebration! I know it's late, but meh.
My area has officially been in quarantine for 325 days. That's 325 days I've gone without seeing any friends. 325 days without school. 325 days with the world turned upside down and seemingly entering a deeper and darker pit. My emotions have been on a constant up and down roller coaster for 325 days and so have many other people's. There are people whose 325 days have been harder on them than it is for me, and people who have honestly managed to somehow enjoy it.
325 days.
I've watched humanitarian issues pop up all over my feed, a bittersweet feeling knowing there's not much I can do. Friends have come and gone, and some I can only worry about from afar. I've joined club after club, teetering back and forth between what's right for me and what isn't. Death numbers have spiked and fewer and fewer people seem to care. Hell, I'm starting to care less. It's hard to keep the same energy when millions have been dying from the same virus every day for months. It's not that it's okay, it's that it's becoming the norm.
All of this is becoming the norm.
Virtual events, the stress, the fatigue, the numbers, the chaos. It's all just normal now.
I didn't cover the storm on the capitol on Jan 7, but when I mentioned it there were people who just rolled their eyes and moved on. All of this has taken such a terrible toll on us. Just today I spent five hours laying in bed, trying to do something--anything. But it was so...difficult. And when I do manage to get up, there's a million and one things sitting at my desk to do. Half of which I have no motivation to do. The reason why this blog has been so blotchy recently is because when I do come up with an idea, there's something in the way of me writing.
And I know I shouldn't blame others for my lack of stability or routine, but I know exactly why I'm like this. Zoom classes have drained everything out of me. Lack of socialization has pushed me to an extreme of what I felt summer of 8th grade. Watching so many innocent people be persecuted and knowing the most I can do is like a post and share, maybe sign a few petitions...I'm scared. I'm scared of this world that I'm entering. Because not only am I having to explore and grow into it virtually, but it seems like it's falling apart at the seams.
I'm tired.
So I'm picking up a few hobbies.
Honestly, anything to distract from what's going on. I'll look back when I'm stable enough, but as of rn, no. I'm too young, too busy, too worn down to keep up with everything. And that's okay. You can take a break from that activist feed and it doesn't mean you're condemning thousands. Not staying up to date does not mean invalidating issues. At the end of the day, we're all human, and there's only so much mankind can take. Plus, there are still positives to enjoy in this world. Taking time to care for yourself does not mean you're ignoring the world's issues. You're just caring for the roots of the solution. If we as a people are too burnt out to process problems anymore, who will resolve anything?
So, take a deep breath with me. 2021. Let's do this.
~~~
No comments:
Post a Comment