To find something is to identify it.
When something is lost, it is unknown, it can vanish without a trace.
But to find it again, you reunite. You hug that thing and keep it close.
To find something is to know it dearly.
I fear I may never know myself.
I change so often, react so much.
The days I act without speaking are inexplicable gaps in my knowledge.
What if I never understand those moments? How far can I ever really learn myself without understanding?
What about the transitions? Those periods where you shuffle through the day to day as it morphs around you?
Those transitions that are so painstakingly helpless but euphorically electrifying?
The past year has been so unreal. That couldn't have been me.
Each day felt so foreign--I've been happy. I think.
Some days I feel so far removed from yesterday's me.
That was the girl I hope no one ever remembers. Some days, I cripple myself in fear of becoming like her.
Yet...who was she?
I don't remember last yesterday's me. What was it like to be her?
I miss her.
I've forgotten her...she can vanish now.
Do I wish that for her? How far can my pursuit of tomorrow's me go without her?
Quite frankly, I don't think I'll ever find myself.
I will eventually become tomorrow's me.
And when the time come I shall be next tomorrow's me.
But it's a natural process. I may never purposefully do it.
So why do I put so much effort into trying?
I don't know, I seem interesting.
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