Vision

Wow, it's nice to finally post on time.
So, my eyesight's always been terrible. Even back when I didn't realize just how bad it was, I knew something was wrong. As a small girl, if I sat on the couch to watch T.V. I would end up straining my eyes because of how much I needed to squint to see it. People always pointed it out and I started becoming hyper-aware of just how much I squinted while watching T.V. I would try to squint enough so I could just make out the image on the screen, but not so much to where passersby could see me struggling. I denied up and down that I needed glasses until my doctor confirmed it a little while after my eleventh birthday. I got glasses that summer and were all but reliant on them for a year. I genuinely believed that they would correct my eyesight. If anything, my eyes quickly became dependent on glasses and got much worse, much faster. By the end of sixth grade and through seventh, I started only wearing my glasses when I felt I needed them. If we were doing a class discussion where I needed to see something up in front, I'd wear them. But if it was individual work in front of my face or something that required physical activity, I refused. And, honestly, my frame was too thin to really flatter me anyways.
Since then, I'm less extreme with when I do and don't wear them. I tend to never wear them indoors, however. And I still refuse to wear them for physical activities. But it's more of a balance now. Sixth grade, many people were only used to me wearing them and were surprised when I took them off. Seventh grade, a few people didn't even know I had them. Since eighth, my newer friends say that they're equally accustomed to both looks. I occasionally get someone asking where my glasses are if I leave them off for too long, but other than that both are pretty normalized.
Still, I struggle with seeing in general. My eyes are easily irritated, they constantly feel like they're in pain, and I always feel like I look so tired. My field of sight is continually getting shorter and I'm starting to learn how to recognize letters from a distance. I used to be genuinely afraid of going blind, but now I doubt that possibility. And for that, I'm grateful. My eyesight's started plateauing a bit so I'm not as worried. It's still plausible, just not as likely. Maybe with a bit more care, my eyes might last longer than I'd predicted.
Frankly, it helps me appreciate my body more. My eyes are the one thing I consistently struggle with, and it serves as a small reminder to protect the parts of my body I don't need to pay as much attention to. My blurry vision, in some ways, pushes me to exercise more. I take on these health challenges because I know that if my whole body fell into the same state my eyes are in, I would crumble to the ground. I'm sitting on my bed right now as I write this, and when I glance up to my analog clock on the wall, I can't read it. I can't see any of the lines, big or small, and can barely see the numbers. I can guess the time though--around twenty minutes to midnight.
And, I should sleep.
Sleep is good for my eyes.