Music

I love music. I really do. I just can't partake in it.
Music and anything that has to do with it--singing, acting, instruments--has just never been for me. I've joined a choir, chorus, paid as much attention in music class, and sharpened my techniques(very basic ones though, seeing as I only learned during school hours). I participated in singing events and trained my voice. I can confidently say I knew how to sing, I just didn't have the voice. Despite focusing on breathing from my diaphragm, over pronouncing my vowels, maintaining posture, and not gasping for air mid-song. I had a very long dancing phase, however. It went as far as me believing I'd be on World of Dance with zero training whatsoever. I grew out of it eventually, but I still enjoy dancing and love to perform on a stage.
I always struggled with singing, however. I've always wanted to be able to sing but never really figured it out. It felt like everyone I knew had a decent singing ability, even the ones who claimed they were bad. I tried so hard to develop it, but didn't really get much support at home and was left to use resources found at school. At some point, any comments towards my singing that weren't from my music teacher, I started to take them to heart. I never internalized any negative comments she made because she was clearly trying her best to help. Everyone else, I just saw it as another reminder I couldn't sing.
Now, not to make this a pity story, I'll shorten it. My last attempt to learn was two years ago. My voice was hitting puberty and I only saw myself getting worse and gave up. I'll sing when I'm alone or with someone I trust. But too many insults on my voice and I just shut up entirely. I've been called dramatic for this reaction, but I really don't see any better non-confrontational ways of silencing the comments.
The only reason I continue to sing in the first place is because of what music means to me. Especially during this whole quarantine, 8 Legged Dreams is one of the few songs keeping me relatively sane. (Galaxy Music: Unlike Pluto - 8 Legged Dreams) It helps me focus on this schoolwork, which honestly, I've lost motivation for. I listen to it while writing and exercising. Or when I'm tired and need something to burn some time.
I am the kind of person who will come home from a stressful day and instead of sleeping, I'll just play music and stare off into space. It's therapeutic. I get to imagine scenarios and take my mind away for a minute. If I'm upset, it's my time to release. I can sit and think through whatever I'm trying to get through. I can cry, scream, vent off, and there'll be a nice ambient beat ready to catch me when I collapse. Certain songs help for when I don't even know what I'm feeling. It helps me identify my emotions. Moments like these are when I get my best ideas if I'm focused enough. My phone's notes are filled with little jots from these spirals.
There's a real reason why music is played in the background of most movies and songs. I didn't know it at first, but after I first cried to an AJR song, I understood. For a lot of people, music helps you stay in tune with the more sentimental parts of life.