Suddenly

                                           

art by GDBee

Suddenly, I don't recognize my life anymore.

The very people who promised to protect me,

are the people I protect myself from.

My room is no longer where it used to be.

My siblings don't snore on the other side of the wall anymore.

I don't sneak out after school anymore.

I don't eat my mother's cooking for dinner every day,

ramen and sandwiches have bided me by.

I don't argue with my parents every day,

I barely see their faces some days.

I always knew this day would come,

ever since I turned 18 I've been in transformation.

Everything is folding over, coming and going, for the better or worse.

I just keep making the mistake

of expecting tomorrow to look like today.

I can feel how slippery this life is,

I can barely hold on.

Suddenly, I am responsible for myself.

What I wear, where I go, who I talk to, what I eat--it's all my decision.

I don't get unwanted opinions anymore.

No more "I'm not allowed to.

I find myself choosing my own principles

and defining my own moral compass.

And as I push myself to stress over fewer,

I find myself in less dismay. 

Suddenly, my eyes have dried.

My heart has settled.

Life is quiet.

There's so much to do, 

so much more than I've ever had to do,

but I'm free.

Imagine telling eighteen-year-old Uche

that the reason she always felt stuck

is because of who she was stuck on.

The very people I thought were uplifting me.

Were tearing down every ounce of progress I made. 

Suddenly, I'm thankful you're gone,

I'm free.

I'm twenty.